How to: Die at the Hands of the State.
Recently I expressed my position on the death penalty, along with my rationale for feeling the way I do. In short I maintain an uncomfortable support for it. I certainly have my reservations. But I think that if I am going to continue to hold to that position, I should try to imagine myself in the role of the condemned. I don't imagine myself committing a crime that could land me on death row, but I have no doubt that there have been innocent people put to death in this country. And that means that you (or I) could face this fate. What would that experience be like?
If we knew in our heart of hearts that we weren't culpable for the capital crime for which we were convicted, we'd most likely have to go through a stage of denial. No matter the possibility, we really wouldn't be able to accept the fact that it was happening to us. Regardless of whatever speculations we might occasionally entertain, the vast majority of us believe deep down that the universe has some innate sense of justice that would prohibit such a fate as wrongful conviction. Unfortunately this is an irrational belief. The exceptions in this case prove the rule. Innocent people are sometimes killed by the state.
Whether or not we are guilty, if we failed to attain exoneration in the appeals process, an eventual date for execution would be set. In some states we would be given a choice as to how our sentence was to be carried out. What method would you choose? Most localities don't offer death by firing squad anymore. I don't think I'd prefer being shot because it just seems so personal to face a firing squad- although I assume they'd apply a blindfold. Hanging would certainly be my last choice. To my mind it's completely humiliating. If you've ever read an eyewitness account of the type of things that can happen when you are jerking on the end of a rope, then you probably already know what I mean.
I think I'd also pass on the gas chamber. That seems like a singularly unpleasant way to die. Why don't they just light me on fire? Death by asphyxiation is only a bit less alluring. The electric chair is out as well- it's too messy. Plus you face the risk of malfunction and simply smoldering for awhile. No fun. I don't relish the idea of my eyes bursting from the electricity coursing through my body. If I could avoid pissing and shitting myself, that would also be a plus. So I guess if I had to choose, I would go for lethal injection. I'm not afraid of needles, and if administered correctly it is supposed to be painless. I'd slip into unconsciousness and never wake up. Of course my victim's family (if I were indeed gullty) might resent that type of smooth retribution.
There are other decisions you'd be asked to make before being executed. What would you want for a last meal? I'm not sure if I could muster any kind of healthy appetite under those conditions. I might just pick the most elaborate thing I could think of out of spite. If I had been imprisoned for a significant time (which would seem likely under such circumstances), I'd probably just pick my favorites from the prison menu. I've heard the veggie lasagna is especially good. For dessert I know I'd take whatever sedatives would be available. If necessary I would bribe a guard to bring the good stuff.
Another conventional decision I'd face would be whether or not to be attended by a spiritual advisor. I'm not part of any organized religious group, so this would be a difficult decision. Perhaps a Buddhist monk would be most appropriate. I wouldn't turn away a priest- it seems like a no-lose situation to accept Christ in that moment. Absolution for whatever sins I have committed throughout my life might come in handy. "Cover all bases" would be my motto.
As far as last words are concerned, I wonder if I could resist being a wise-ass. That is my normal reaction to fearful situations. Maybe a sincere apology would be in order. Anyway I'd likely have plenty of time to come up with something contextually appropriate. I'd hate to think that I'd resort to a quote. It would be important to me to come up with something original. The indignity of being put to death is a bit too oppressive without a touch of wit and class.
If we knew in our heart of hearts that we weren't culpable for the capital crime for which we were convicted, we'd most likely have to go through a stage of denial. No matter the possibility, we really wouldn't be able to accept the fact that it was happening to us. Regardless of whatever speculations we might occasionally entertain, the vast majority of us believe deep down that the universe has some innate sense of justice that would prohibit such a fate as wrongful conviction. Unfortunately this is an irrational belief. The exceptions in this case prove the rule. Innocent people are sometimes killed by the state.
Whether or not we are guilty, if we failed to attain exoneration in the appeals process, an eventual date for execution would be set. In some states we would be given a choice as to how our sentence was to be carried out. What method would you choose? Most localities don't offer death by firing squad anymore. I don't think I'd prefer being shot because it just seems so personal to face a firing squad- although I assume they'd apply a blindfold. Hanging would certainly be my last choice. To my mind it's completely humiliating. If you've ever read an eyewitness account of the type of things that can happen when you are jerking on the end of a rope, then you probably already know what I mean.
I think I'd also pass on the gas chamber. That seems like a singularly unpleasant way to die. Why don't they just light me on fire? Death by asphyxiation is only a bit less alluring. The electric chair is out as well- it's too messy. Plus you face the risk of malfunction and simply smoldering for awhile. No fun. I don't relish the idea of my eyes bursting from the electricity coursing through my body. If I could avoid pissing and shitting myself, that would also be a plus. So I guess if I had to choose, I would go for lethal injection. I'm not afraid of needles, and if administered correctly it is supposed to be painless. I'd slip into unconsciousness and never wake up. Of course my victim's family (if I were indeed gullty) might resent that type of smooth retribution.
There are other decisions you'd be asked to make before being executed. What would you want for a last meal? I'm not sure if I could muster any kind of healthy appetite under those conditions. I might just pick the most elaborate thing I could think of out of spite. If I had been imprisoned for a significant time (which would seem likely under such circumstances), I'd probably just pick my favorites from the prison menu. I've heard the veggie lasagna is especially good. For dessert I know I'd take whatever sedatives would be available. If necessary I would bribe a guard to bring the good stuff.
Another conventional decision I'd face would be whether or not to be attended by a spiritual advisor. I'm not part of any organized religious group, so this would be a difficult decision. Perhaps a Buddhist monk would be most appropriate. I wouldn't turn away a priest- it seems like a no-lose situation to accept Christ in that moment. Absolution for whatever sins I have committed throughout my life might come in handy. "Cover all bases" would be my motto.
As far as last words are concerned, I wonder if I could resist being a wise-ass. That is my normal reaction to fearful situations. Maybe a sincere apology would be in order. Anyway I'd likely have plenty of time to come up with something contextually appropriate. I'd hate to think that I'd resort to a quote. It would be important to me to come up with something original. The indignity of being put to death is a bit too oppressive without a touch of wit and class.
Labels: Civil Rights, Death Penalty, Political Rant
posted by Merge Divide at 7:53 PM
2 Comments:
Preferred method of execution - lethal injection would be fine, but I think getting thrown off a cliff would be interesting. It would be instant death upon landing, and a great sensation on the way down.
Last words - I would create a sensation by confessing to various unsolved crimes that I did not commit, sounding quite serious and providing enough detail to make them suspect that the culprit could have possibly been me. Then, right before death, I'd also confess to kidnapping the Lindbergh baby, to really confuse them.
Last rites - I would bet $500 against Pascal's Wager.
"Pascal's Wager", eh? He's the odd's on favorite. If you got some hot tip, you gotta let me know.
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