Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Code.

Years ago, when I was under the heady influences of my college days, I used to have a strange recurring vision. It was if I was walking on the very edge of a parabola of light. On one side of me was the blackest darkness and on the other was sheer pure energy. I felt as if it was my personal journey to walk the edge between the two. This didn't feel like a transient preoccupation, but rather an eternal path.

This conception became my visual representation of reality. I devised a symbol to represent my orientation. It was the Yin Yang symbol with the chaos symbol (with eight arrows pointing out from its center) superimposed on top of it. To me its interpretation had to do with the resolution (or maybe revocation) of dichotomies. Since that time I have tended to reject absolutes of any kind. I have become an essentially relativistic thinker, with all that entails. The acceptance of this became a form of commitment.

In the intervening years I have found the perpetual reinforcement of this fundamental position. The art projects that I've worked on have incorporated this understanding. My approach to politics, relationships and morality has followed suit. In some ways, it has even seemed like a spiritual enterprise. Although I rarely express it as such, many of the discussions I have with people reflect the basic nature of this.

If there is one single key to understanding who I am, it has to do with the approach I am trying to describe here. I try to synthesize what seem to be apparent opposites. The binary code does not exist, because the concept of "0" (zero) has no true reflection in our reality. Therefore very little of what we experience has any finite parameters. Even the street address of my house reflects my orientation. And so does the formulation of the pseudonym I write under on my blog, which is at once arbitrary yet eerily prescient.

It should come as no surprise that I live very separate lives between work and home. Somewhere in the composite space of those two milieus lies my contemporary existence. Certainly one often bleeds over into the other. But as much as possible I try to introduce a measure of distinction. This becomes difficult because I work with many people in a very public occupation. I have no intention of letting that bleed obviously over into this blog. The freedom of expression that makes continuing this particular project possible requires anonymity, while at the same time exposure gives it purpose. Therefore I ask readers to seek out the space between the lines, for that is the place to which I seek to draw attention.

Major events in both my public and private lives now tempt me to upset the careful balance I've tried to maintain on this space. Yet these preoccupations cannot be given free rein to reveal themselves. It's not the appropriate forum. This internal contradiction makes me understand the allure of split personality. However I understand that such a condition betrays totality. So I ask your forbearance as I continue to seek the proper balance.

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1 Comments:

Anonymous jefg said...

Extremely thought-provoking insight into your life. While many of your entrees, esp. your reviews are easy reads, this is much one I'll re-read a few times like specific passages of a well written novel.

7:23 AM  

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