A Spring Spirit Enhancer.
It's rare to experience a truly crappy spring weekend. The sun is shining, the weather is pleasantly warm, and the flora and fauna had returned. A natural burst of energy typically expands throughout the people, and the mood is generally relaxed. It takes some seriously negative events to put the damper on a Saturday under these conditions. Well... the last few days have been tough. But I'm not going to go into any specifics here on this blog- instead I'll focus on the lighter side. If it had not been for the proliferation of yard sales, this past weekend might have been unrelentingly dark for me.
Spring cleaning is upon the community. Time to jettison some of the unnecessary accumulation from around your house, and hopefully get a little cash to replace it with junk to get rid of next year. Church rummage sales, weekly markets, huge swap meets, and garage sales dot the calendar in May. And if you are in a buying mood, the search for your own personal treasures is stimulatingly pleasing. Perhaps you'll find that needlepoint owl portrait you've been coveting. Maybe there is a secondhand tennis trophy with your little one's name plastered on it. Or is it that VHS copy of Over the Top that you've been trying to track down? Somewhere in the city it could be waiting amidst piles of worthless junk... waiting for you to come along and transport it to its new home.
One thing you have to do is get up early to get the good stuff. Don't go to the after-hours club the night before, and stumble out of bed at noon with a hangover... it will be too late. The smart shoppers set their alarms for 7AM. Grab a pair of sanitary gloves and put on your orthopedic shoes and prepare to shop 'til you drop. Do so with the righteous awareness that your behavior runs counter to the wasteful habits of the typical American consumer. You are recycling. You are resourceful. You are creative enough to come up with a use for that "Welcome to Enchanting Erie!" candy dish. Others may turn their noses up at the sight of a Lite Brite (tm) without any of the little bulbs. But not you. Some day you may be able to use it.
Don't forget it's the people that really matter. It's your chance to engage your distant neighbors. They want to talk to you. Even if you don't want a pack of generic-brand, size D batteries... make them an offer. Haggling is a venerable tradition among the peasant class across the years and in every nation. Just because that dreamcatcher spent the last fifteen years acquiring a nicotine patina in a trailer park off of route 51 doesn't mean it's not a genuine piece of contemporary folk art. You may not expect it, but be damn sure the next passerby is going to recognize the collectible status of that Purple Monchichi. 'Oh so soft and cuddle-ly'
Just because that guy behind the table has half a mouthful of creamed-corn-colored teeth doesn't mean his unopened 50-cent toothbrushes from Maylasia aren't a steal. And who's to say that someone isn't poring through the Ebay listings right now looking for the December, 1979 issue of Big Butt magazine? Have you ever considered the increase in value that 1982 rookie card of Sid Bream could bring if he hits 50 homers this year? I bet you haven't. And with the rash of summer superhero blockbusters right around the corner, there could be a resurgence of interest in the New Mutants. Grab up all them copies!
When you are ready to get back into your car and make a getaway with all your booty, be sure not to neglect your stomach. That hot dog might be shriveled and a bit green, but it benefits the Beaver County Chamber of Commerce. The fig and cheese homemade pies are only a week old. And those "beef" sticks haven't left the basement freezer since the start of hunting (um... roadkill) season. Spend that extra buck and wash the vittles down with all four flavors of Value Time soda pop- Grape, Dr. Pizzaz, Bubble Wash, and Red. Mmmm.... refreshing, flood that finger dust right down into your gullet. Don't hit no seniors on your way out of the parking lot!
Spring cleaning is upon the community. Time to jettison some of the unnecessary accumulation from around your house, and hopefully get a little cash to replace it with junk to get rid of next year. Church rummage sales, weekly markets, huge swap meets, and garage sales dot the calendar in May. And if you are in a buying mood, the search for your own personal treasures is stimulatingly pleasing. Perhaps you'll find that needlepoint owl portrait you've been coveting. Maybe there is a secondhand tennis trophy with your little one's name plastered on it. Or is it that VHS copy of Over the Top that you've been trying to track down? Somewhere in the city it could be waiting amidst piles of worthless junk... waiting for you to come along and transport it to its new home.
One thing you have to do is get up early to get the good stuff. Don't go to the after-hours club the night before, and stumble out of bed at noon with a hangover... it will be too late. The smart shoppers set their alarms for 7AM. Grab a pair of sanitary gloves and put on your orthopedic shoes and prepare to shop 'til you drop. Do so with the righteous awareness that your behavior runs counter to the wasteful habits of the typical American consumer. You are recycling. You are resourceful. You are creative enough to come up with a use for that "Welcome to Enchanting Erie!" candy dish. Others may turn their noses up at the sight of a Lite Brite (tm) without any of the little bulbs. But not you. Some day you may be able to use it.
Don't forget it's the people that really matter. It's your chance to engage your distant neighbors. They want to talk to you. Even if you don't want a pack of generic-brand, size D batteries... make them an offer. Haggling is a venerable tradition among the peasant class across the years and in every nation. Just because that dreamcatcher spent the last fifteen years acquiring a nicotine patina in a trailer park off of route 51 doesn't mean it's not a genuine piece of contemporary folk art. You may not expect it, but be damn sure the next passerby is going to recognize the collectible status of that Purple Monchichi. 'Oh so soft and cuddle-ly'
Just because that guy behind the table has half a mouthful of creamed-corn-colored teeth doesn't mean his unopened 50-cent toothbrushes from Maylasia aren't a steal. And who's to say that someone isn't poring through the Ebay listings right now looking for the December, 1979 issue of Big Butt magazine? Have you ever considered the increase in value that 1982 rookie card of Sid Bream could bring if he hits 50 homers this year? I bet you haven't. And with the rash of summer superhero blockbusters right around the corner, there could be a resurgence of interest in the New Mutants. Grab up all them copies!
When you are ready to get back into your car and make a getaway with all your booty, be sure not to neglect your stomach. That hot dog might be shriveled and a bit green, but it benefits the Beaver County Chamber of Commerce. The fig and cheese homemade pies are only a week old. And those "beef" sticks haven't left the basement freezer since the start of hunting (um... roadkill) season. Spend that extra buck and wash the vittles down with all four flavors of Value Time soda pop- Grape, Dr. Pizzaz, Bubble Wash, and Red. Mmmm.... refreshing, flood that finger dust right down into your gullet. Don't hit no seniors on your way out of the parking lot!
Labels: Bargain Hunting, Kitsch
posted by Merge Divide at 7:31 PM
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