Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Now what?

Things have been a bit of a blur for me lately, and I feel a bit self-conscious about slacking off... especially here on Serendipity. As many long-time readers of this blog know (and I honestly don't expect that there are many of you left), not too long ago I posted every single day. That's why I have arrived at my thousandth entry after a mere three years. Alas, such productivity couldn't continue forever. Of course I've been posting poetry and the occasional local events update. But I wonder who I'm serving at this point, and I'm not certain the answer is not "nobody". I do know that I exhausted the essay format I was using for much of the past few years. Perhaps I'll be inspired to return to that someday. I can't make any promises.

I had grand plans of doings something special for this occasion. I thought maybe that I'd go out and celebrate or (god forbid) write something extraordinary. Obviously the plans have changed, and you are getting this instead. I'm taking stock here, folks. A lot has changed in my life over the last three months and I'm still rearranging things. Perhaps I simply haven't felt emboldened enough to lay it all out here on the net. But I'm trying not to beat myself up over all of that. I do feel I've earned a break.

There have been a lot of benefits to doing this project, but very few of them match my original expectations. I've written book reviews that have resulted in personal and direct contact with the authors of some of those books. I've also generated some fairly robust hatred, and if you sift through the comments here (or at least those of several months ago), you'll get an eyeful. I've even lost friends over what I've decided to publish on the net. On the other hand, there are a few things that I feel proud of. A highlight for me was being hyperlinked in a column by a Huffington Post author (after the Ashley Todd incident). That little boon resulted in a nice sustained hike in traffic, which I've since pissed away. Also, I'll take this moment to brag that I predicted Barack Obama's ascension to the presidency in August of 2006.

Ultimately the most rewarding thing about writing Serendipity has been the experience of discipline and focus resulting from the arbitrary commitment I impulsively made to post every day. Whether or not the decision was made to boost my own self-esteem is probably beside the point. I feel like I learned something from the process. I hope it has been periodically edifying to its small audience as well.

This post isn't necessarily a "goodbye", but I do view it as a kind of release. I'd say that there's been a bit of a low fizzle here recently, and I'm sick of feeling like I've let myself down. So this is official notice that I may discontinue this public exposure at any time. I haven't quit writing entirely. In fact, I've written nearly a hundred poems over the last nine weeks. I've just stopped making it all immediately available to an unspecified and indeterminate readership. Maybe I'll take the time to be more deliberate in what I share. Or alternatively, I may simply sustain my current habit of stumbling along haphazardly. Anyway, if you are still reading this, then you have my appreciation and gratitude. Stop by now and again and you may find yourself surprised. Who knows?

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Or alternatively, I may simply sustain my current habit of stumbling along haphazardly."

This works for me. You likely know that I've enjoyed the regular reading. It's a way to have kept informed about your life, whether it be from direct stories or through interpreting others, both prose and poem. Speaking for myself (I always wondered who else you could speak for anyway). I hope to see something here once in a while, and will return here periodically to check.

Keep reading, keep writing, keep sharing.
jg

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

feeling like one let oneself down is a tough concept. does it compare with letting others down? i know you are going through some "changes" and there must be a host of unpleasant byproducts to cope with. please know the offer always stands if you require an ear or opinion other than your own. regardless, i am unsure what you had originally anticipated to gain/learn from this excercise as we never discussed it in depth, but i can say that i have found your "ramblings" interesting and helpful at times, however if you've been feeling like too much of your time has been consumed as result, diverting your attention to other things in life, then i understanding asking if it was worth it all. you're an intelligent person and i wish you the best. keep learning.
-mw

3:37 PM  

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