Monday, June 26, 2006

Rules from "America's Best Family Resort"

Ocean Cty, NJ is truly the Disney World of beach resorts- in fact, it won an award as the best family resort in the United States. A quick Google search will bring up about 5 million hits where that phrase is quoted. They are proud of this designation (from wherever it came) and they are serious here about insuring that it stays most amenable to families. This is truly amalgamated and clean, wholesome fun. But there are a couple things you should be aware of:

Rules. Rules. Rules. You must:

-Buy a beach tag to access the beach.
-Get off the beach between the hours of 10PM and 6AM (NO SUNSETS for you!).
-NOT throw frisbees or other projectiles while on the beach.
-Refrain from smoking cigarettes, except in designated areas along the boardwalk (designated by green paint demarcating "zones")
-NOT expect to find Chinese, Insian, Middle-Eastern , Thai, Vietnamese foods on the boardwalk. There is, however, plenty of food categorizable under the "White Trash" label.
-Run on the boardwalk in the "Runner's Lane" only.
-NOT go shoe-less on the boardwalk.
-Buy a membership card ($10) if you want to use the computers at the community library. (This I do for you, my friends)
-NOT use profanity within the city's public spaces.
-Remember that alcohol CAN NOT be purchased within the city limits.
-NOT bike on the boardwalk after 11 AM.
-Be Caucasian. (Not really, but it sure seems like an unwritten rule).

-Follow all county, state, and federal applicable laws where they apply. Because they do. And you will be drawn and quartered if you deviate.

This is amusement in today's America. Entertainment must be strictly regulated, encouraged in certain manners and during certain hours, and around certain people. Leave your id at home, because you won't be needing it here. Welcome!


Blogger Susan Constanse said...

Well damn, you should have stayed here with us!
Miss you

7:08 PM  
Blogger Merge Divide said...

I'll be plenty happy to be back among my true fellows. Not thatg I'm not enjoying myself... but I sure do miss my friends.

5:48 PM  

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